I wish Cotton was a monkey.

I have been in an odd place lately. And I guess it's not really lately, it's really been most of my adult life. If I could sum it up in a few lines it would be that I am: "Ever glimpsing, never seeing. Ever reaching, never grasping. Ever listening, never hearing." I want to be more than I am, inside. There was a time, long ago, when I enjoyed a certain level of self-righteousness. And as ugly as that is to God, it was a comfortable cloak that protected me from lots of potential hurt. But then, as life would have it, one ugly divorce, one pathetically broken heart, and many, many, poor choices later, I have no righteousness of my own to cling to. I'd like to be curled up on the couch with my chi-mate, dozing, just being, not doing. But I don't really want to go to the effort to find her right now, or to keep her. Maybe I would feel differently if I met "the one", but my last one left me just emptied out. Now, I don't want to make this about a girl, it's really more about the inside of me part. I want to be wise, I want to be upright, I want to be full, and satisfied in my soul. But I don't really think I'll ever find that place. But I'm not unhappy. In fact, I'm in the best place I've ever been. I live a simple life, and have a wonderful daughter, and job, church, and friends. But I want to feel fuller inside. Iwant to feel like my worship is accepted, even desired. I want to feel like I have something different to offer God.